


Star Lit Dreams

by JarvisUandDUMEtoo



Category: Iron Man (Comics), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Cooking, Inspired by Hallmark Christmas Movies, M/M, Making Up, Mechanic Tony Stark, POV James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Stars, nasa engineer james rhodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:40:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21830890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JarvisUandDUMEtoo/pseuds/JarvisUandDUMEtoo
Summary: Rhodey has come home for the holidays and decided to participate in a local charity event. The only problem? His assigned partner is none other than his ex boyfriend Tony Stark. Rhodey assumes its going to be difficult to be civil with Tony for long enough to finish the event, but instead he finds himself falling for Tony all over again.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark
Comments: 18
Kudos: 117





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is told from Rhodey’s perspective and he refers to himself as James throughout the story. Tony calls him Rhodey and his family calls him Jim.

James slammed his hand on the steering wheel as his car sputtered and died again. He was sitting in a gas station less than half and hour away from home after being gone for almost four years, and now was the time his car chose not to start.

He popped the hood and got out to try to figure out what the hell was wrong with his engine. The battery terminals and leads were clean and the wires were connected correctly. The high tension leads were still in good shape. He topped off his oil regularly and has it changed about two months ago so that shouldn’t be a problem. He hadn’t left the headlights or heater on to drain the battery. 

So what was wrong with it? Whatever it was, he couldn’t figure it out and wouldn’t know where to start fixing it. He sighed in frustration, and went inside to ask the gas station attendant for help. 

When he saw who was behind the counter he immediately gave up any hope of a quick roadside assist. The kid was 17 at the oldest, clearly working part time selling neon slurpees and day old hot dogs. James asked anyway to be sure, and the kid immediately went pale and shrunk down in his seat. 

“There was an online training for the more common types of car troubles… I could try to take a look? If it's anything other than a dead battery I probably can’t help you.”

James shook his head. “No, it’s alright. Do you have a number for a mechanic near here?”

The kid nodded and dug through the drawers of the counter, pulling out a crumpled brochure. “As part of my job I have to recommend the big one that sponsors the station, but my friend took his car there and they scratched the paint so you gotta be careful.” He passed the paper over. “You need to ask for Anthony, he’s the only decent guy they got. He managed to fix my dad’s car after everyone else said it was totaled and he never pads the bill.”

James thanked him, dialing the number and passing the brochure advertising ‘Roxxon Mechanics’ back to the kid. Right now his main concern was getting home before his family started to worry, if they scratched the paint then he’d deal with that later. He gave the receptionist his location and asked for Anthony before going outside to wait for the tow truck to arrive. 

Outside the sky was a dull gray, and snow drifted down slowly to cover the asphalt in a thin layer of flakes. It looked like it might be a white Christmas this year, if the weather managed to stay cold for the next week. 

A small red tow truck pulled up to the gas station and parked in a spot in front of his car. A short figure in a thick coat and sunglasses hopped out, lugging a large tool box. As he walked closer, James felt his eyes widen. Was that really…? 

“Rhodey! Long time no see!” the man shouted cheerfully.

It was him. Tony Stark, his ex-boyfriend and the man who broke his heart a little over four years ago.

“Hey Tony,” he said cautiously. “What are you doing here?”

“I was told someone needed rescuing. What do you do to your poor car?”

James glanced at the logo on the tow truck, and the smaller version printed on Tony’s coat. Was Tony really the guy the shop sent, the ‘Anthony’ the kid mentioned? Why was Tony “Richer than God” Stark doing the grunt work at 9 o'clock at night the week of Christmas for a small town car garage? Last time they had spoken they had both been headed to college and Tony was going to do aerospace engineering, just like him.

“What are you doing here?” James asked, trying to make the pieces fit together in a way that made sense. Had his mom set this up somehow? She had been almost more heartbroken than James when things ended between James and his high school sweetheart.

“I’m trying to fix your car. You said over the phone it wont start? Would you mind turning the key for me while I take a look under the hood?”

James got inside his car and turned the key. It made a sad noise and nothing happened. He looked through the windshield at Tony who was shaking his head. “I’m thinking it’s the alternator. I’ll have to take it back to the shop to make sure and to do the replacement. Hop in the truck, I’ll drop you off at mom’s before I tow her back to the shop.” Tony tensed up and cleared his throat. “I meant your mom’s. Roberta’s.“  
He quickly changed the subject, turning his back to James to fiddle with the tow hook on his truck. “How long are planning to stay in town? You get the whole week? Or through New Years?”

“Just the week, I head back to Florida on the 27th.”

“Why Florida?” Tony asked, kneeling down and hitching the car to the truck. “I never pictured you living in the land of orange juice and alligators.”

“I work at Kennedy Space Center.”

It felt surreal to say that, and he felt a small glow of pride build in his chest. Not many people had the honor of being selected by NASA, and he was one of only ten people who had been hired straight out of college, nationwide. 

Tony looked up at him, his eyes soft. “Yeah? So you really managed to do it. Everything we used to talk about as kids.”

James was jolted back to a moment years ago, laying on the roof of his house with Tony, gazing at the stars on a warm summer night. One hand held tight in Tony’s, the other reaching upward towards the pinpricks of light dancing through the sky in a swirl of possibilities. 

The pride he felt soured into bitterness. James crossed his arms. “Everything we talked about I did on my own. You weren’t there like you promised you’d be.”

Tony stood up, brushing off his hands. “Things happened. Circumstances changed.” He gave the tow chain a few tugs to make sure it was secure, and opened the door to the truck. “If there’s anything you need for the week, you better get it out of your car now. You can put it in the back seat.”

James scowled. That was it? No excuses? No jealousy? No backhanded compliments? Tony seemed to be genuinely happy for him and James didn’t know how he felt about that. Weren’t exes supposed to resent the other’s success? Especially when they both had the same goal, and James made it to fucking NASA and Tony was still stuck in their little home town, doing the worst shifts for a local car repair shop.

He transferred his suitcase over to the truck and got in, the warm air blowing from the vents a relief from the wind outside. He pulled off his hat and unzipped his coat, leaning back in his chair and trying to relax. 

Tony was silent as he drove, and James caught him glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. James didn’t try to be subtle. He stared at Tony straight on, taking in all the differences. Tony had gotten the extra inch of height he had always wanted, making him slightly taller than James. He had grown a goatee, and it suited him surprisingly well. Tony’s hands where rested on the steering wheel were rough and calloused from hard work, and car oil was caked black and thick under his short nails. He looked tired, and that was what James kept coming back to. He had bags under his eyes and his shoulders were uncharacteristically slumped and his hands had the shake that James knew only happened after Tony started to crash and overcompensated with too much coffee.

Tony dropped him off at his mom’s with his luggage, and drove off back to the garage. It felt anticlimactic, after the shock of seeing him after so long, but this late and after a long trip James wasn't willing to try to deal with everything that had used to be between them. What did it matter? He could ask for someone else at the garage and it could be another four years before they met again.

James walked up to the front step and rang the bell, smiling as his mom threw open the door and pulled him into a tight hug.

“Jim! You’re here! Jean! Terrence! Get out here, our boy is home!”  
They both came out and started hugging him and patting him on the back.

“It’s almost midnight, what are you all doing up?” James asked.

“We were waiting for you, dummy.” Jean said. “It’s been years, you think we were going to go to bed and miss your homecoming?”

As they ushered him inside James luxuriated in the warm comfort of being home.


	2. Chapter 2

Their town had a local tradition of a week long Christmas giving event, put on by none other than Mama Rhodes herself. With the exception of his college years spent in Massachusetts, James always participated and was excited to get back into it. 

They took his mom’s car down to the local community center, and during the ride the whole story of Tony picking him up came out as he tried to explain why he no longer had a car. His mom seemed to think that there was more going on than he was telling her, and she grilled him the entire ride.

“Mom, what do you want me to say?” James asked in exasperation. “It was a business transaction, we said about ten words to each other that weren’t about my car. Are you planning to ask questions until I admit to being overcome with passion and making out with him in the back seat?”

She perked up. “Did you?”

“No! Mom! We broke up four years ago, there’s nothing between us anymore. He towed my car and dropped me off at home and that was it,” he insisted. 

“Did you want there to be more?” His mom asked as she turned the car into the parking lot and shut it off. “For a long time I thought Tony was going to be it for you. You brought out the best in each other, and the way you looked at him…”

“Can we please stop talking about Tony?” He opened the car door and got out, walking around the other side and opening the door for his mother. “Come on, we’re going to be late.”

His mom chuckled. “I can’t be late if I’m the one starting the event.”

She got out of the car all the same, and they made their way inside where a few people were already milling around. His mom had a clip board with tear off strips of paper, and everyone wrote their name on a slip, and put it into the bucket that James was holding. Once they made it around the room they went back to the front entrance to catch people as they came in. 

James recognized a surprising number of people, all the names and faces coming back to him after his years away. As much as he loved working in Florida, he missed this place.

His old elementary school teacher was putting her paper in the bucket when another familiar face walked in. 

“Tony? What are you doing here?” James asked, clenching the bucket defensively to his chest.

“I always do the Christmas charity event,” he said, crossing his arms. “Am I banned from all community events now because we broke up four years ago?”

Mama Rhodes stepped in. “Boys, don’t fight. Tony, would you be a dear and set up the microphone on the stage for me?”

Tony nodded and left, and James felt his shoulders slump. “I wasn’t trying to fight.”

“I know. But Tony’s always been a sensitive boy, and he doesn’t back down once he gets going. Better to redirect him, and this way I don’t have to deal with that blasted microphone. It doesn't work when I set it up.”

James nodded tried to focus on the next person who stepped up. His eyes kept going to Tony, who was fiddling with wires up on the stage. His movements were tense and jerky, he was clearly upset. Whether it was at how the conversation went or at James himself he didn’t know. 

After another half hour everyone had arrived, and his mom took to the stage to get started.

“Hello everyone and welcome to the tenth annual Christmas giving event. There will be a new surprise activity each day for the next five days leading up to Christmas eve, and you have all day to complete the activity. You’ll be informed what the daily challenge is over text, and send a picture back once you complete it. There’s no punishments for missing an activity but you must complete all five to get a prize at the end. Everyone will be paired with a random partner to help build bonds in our community, between people who might otherwise never talk. Is everyone ready to get started?”

There was a cheer and Mama Rhodes reached into the bucket to grab the first pair of names. 

“James Rhodes and Tony Stark are our first pair!”

James whipped his around to stare at Tony, who was standing on the corner of the stage, eyes wide and hands full of wires. What were the chances of this? He looked back at his mom who gave him an overly innocent smile. She had arranged this somehow, he knew it.

Either he could accuse his mother of rigging the game in front of their whole community, or he could spend the next week doing bonding activities with Tony. He groaned and accepted his fate. 

It was only five days, how bad could it be? He could handle five days of Tony.


	3. Chapter 3

“I can’t do this, I’m dropping out of the event.” James said, pacing back and forth in the living room of their house while he waited for Tony to pick him up to start the first activity. 

“Don’t be a baby, it’s just Tony. You love spending time with Tony.” Jean said from her spot in front of the TV. “You mind pacing elsewhere? I’m trying to watch here.”

James flopped down on the couch with a huff. “I used to like spending time with Tony, the key word here is _used to._ Then he dumped me. And now I don’t want to see him.”

“Sure.”

“Jean, I’m serious.”

“Yup.”

“Why does no one listen to me?” he complained, covering his face with a pillow. 

“Because you’re talking shit. It’s Tony, your Tony. You guys have been in love since you were ten.”

James threw the pillow at her. “Then he broke up with me and we’ve been apart for four years.”

She rolled her eyes. “Four years of pining from afar. Did you go on a single date while you were in college?”

James tried to remember. Surely there had to be someone?   
“I got coffee once,” he said defensively, then sighed, resting his chin on his hand. “I was busy. MIT doesn’t go light on the homework, and I had to put school first.”

“Mmmhmm. I’m sure that was the only reason” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Tony didn’t date either, you know.”

Tony didn’t date either? That sounded wrong. Tony had always been a flirt, and James had figured that the second he was freed from their relationship he would have gone wild and slept with half their graduating class. He was charming enough to catch anyone’s interest and people were always coming up to him when they went out or writing their numbers on coffee cups and asking him to call them. 

“How could you know that?”

“We text. He comes over for family dinners on Sundays. He came by last week to fix mom’s radio clock. Tony is still family, no matter what nonsense the two of you have going on right now.”

Before he could decide what to do with that information, the doorbell rang and James got up to open it. Tony was standing in the doorway, his thick coat on, along with a red hat James had knit for him when he took home economics in high school. 

“You ready to go?” Tony asked politely. 

“Yeah, let me put on my boots and I’m ready.”

James dug through the closest to find his old snow boots. He hadn’t needed them in Florida, so had left them here and they had gotten pushed to the back over time. He found them and pulled them out by the laces, sitting on the steps to pull them on. That’s when he remembered that they had been a gift from Tony. He never would have bought boots this nice for himself, and certainly not replaced the laces with bright red ones. 

He looked over at Tony who was ignoring him to scroll on his phone, then at his normal shoes sitting by the door. If he went out in tennis shoes his feet would be soaked in minutes and he’d spend the rest of the day with wet socks. At the same time, he didn’t want Tony to think that him wearing an old gift meant something. 

Practicality won out, and James laced up the boots. Tony probably wouldn’t remember that he gave them to him anyway. 

Tony looked up from his phone to stare at the boots, then at James, an eyebrow raised. Of course he noticed, Tony always noticed everything he did, the bastard. In high school Tony hadn’t noticed when Natasha dyed her hair blonde or when Steve grew half a foot practically overnight and he never remembered that Pepper was allergic to strawberries but he noticed when James was sick before he knew himself and seemed to remember the contents of James’ closet better than his own and could notice when James was starting to get upset from across a room and would always come butt in.

James scowled at Tony, mentally insisting that “Wearing these boots doesn’t mean anything!” Tony shrugged one shoulder, as if arguing that he didn’t say anything. James raised one eyebrow to ask what the eyebrow raise was then.

“It’s cute when you two do the mind reading thing,” Jean said idly from her spot on the couch. “Almost makes me believe in magic soulmate powers.”

“Shut up, Jean.” James pulled on his coat and tramped outside to Tony’s truck, Tony following a second behind. They weren’t mind reading, anyone could interpret a shrug. Stupid little sister, meddling in things that were none of her business. He strapped himself into the car and kept his head turned towards the window so he wouldn’t have to look at Tony’s face in response to Jean’s statement.  
“What's the first challenge?”

Tony checked his phone. “We’re supposed to buy toys for low income children. We have two families, one with an eight year old boy and the other with a six year old girl. What do you say, want to head over to Target and play Santa?”

James agreed and they made their way out to the store. They went to the toy section and started picking through their options. Tony held up a Nerf gun. 

“How about this? You remember how much fun we used to have with these?”

“I remember you replacing the normal spring with one with a higher k value to cheat. Normal Nerf guns can’t shoot a dart 50 feet.”

Tony laughed. “I also recall normal Nerf guns not being able to shoot water, yet I always ended up wet whenever we played.”

“Not my fault you have a limited imagination for gun modification. You were supposed to be a real weapon developer after all, at least if it was up to your dad.” James mentally kicked himself as soon as he said that. You didn’t bring up Tony’s dad around him. By the way, Tony's shoulders had hunched and he was looking down with a bitter expression, relations between Tony and his dad had not improved in the past four years while James was away.

“I never liked playing with guns.” Tony admitted, turning the toy over in his hands and avoiding the mention of his father.

“Really?” James asked. “I remembered we played Nerf a lot.” 

Tony gave him a bittersweet smile. “You liked playing Nerf and I liked making you happy. Remember when you went through that phase where you were convinced you were going to join the military?”

“It wasn’t a phase, it was my plan for a long time. You were the one who talked me out of it, so that we could stay together.”

That had been one of many conversations they had had out on the roof under the stars. Whenever they had something big to discuss they liked to go up there, where the world was quiet and their problems seemed small in comparison to the vastness of the sky. James had seen two paths for his future stretching out before him, one where Tony went into the family business of making weapons and James went into the military and they’d cross paths occasionally in between deployments and weapon presentations; then the second path, where they both decided to screw expectations and go to MIT then NASA together to try to touch the stars for real. He had never pictured this third scenario, where he was getting closer to the stars every day and leaving Tony further and further behind. 

That was what he hated most about all of this, was that he didn’t understand. Tony was so brilliant. He was the sort of smart that meant he should have been in college by the age of 15, and he would have been if he hadn’t purposely failed a bunch of classes so he could stay in high school with James. If Tony had left him to go on to bigger and better things, he would have hated it, would have been bitter, but he would have understood. Instead Tony broke up with him the day before they were supposed to leave for MIT together so he could stay here and fix up old cars.

Tony sighed and put the Nerf gun back on the shelf. “I guess we shouldn’t get the kid this. It’s not any good if you don’t have a partner.”

James thought of the two Nerf guns shoved in the back of his closet back home, along with two squirt guns, two ping pong paddles, two tennis rackets, and one black box containing a single ring.

He wanted to ask Tony why he gave up on them and their dream, he wanted to ask if it was worth it, if he was happy now, and when he had stopped being happy with James. 

But they were Christmas shopping at Target, this wasn’t the time or place. Instead he followed Tony around the store in silence as he picked out an RC car for the boy and a bracelet making kit for the girl. James took a picture of Tony holding up the gifts, and sent it to the number run by the event coordinators. Either his mom or her friend Diane would see it, and confirm they had completed the activity of the day. They would drop off the toys at the community center later.

“You want to get lunch?” James asked as they walked back to the truck. There were things he wanted to talk about, and the corner booth of a quiet diner sounded like a good place to do it. Tony glanced down at his watch.

“Sorry, can’t. I’ve been up all night and I need to try to catch some sleep before I have to go back to work. The night shift’s a bitch.” Tony eased his truck to a stop in the driveway of the house. “See you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow,” James agreed. 

He went inside and his phone chimed, the person on the other end of the line confirming their completion of the challenge. They sent a thumbs up emoji, meaning it was probably Diane in charge of the phones today. His mom texted like she was writing a formal letter. 

James stared at the picture of Tony holding the toys, his grip strong but his smile tentative in the way that meant he was unhappy and trying to hide it. James looked up at the collage of photos they had hanging in the entryway. There was Jean and their dad fishing, next their mom and grandma holding a pie. And lining the bottom, picture after picture of Tony and him. There they were holding up their science fair ribbons at ten years old, in the next they were dressed up in matching costumes for Halloween. Then them together at prom, both awkward in their over starched suits and with eyes only for each other. In the second to last one they were in their high school graduation caps and gowns, smiling widely for the camera and holding up their degrees triumphantly. James reached out a hand and traced the curve of Tony’s smile, so young and carefree. His own face matched Tony’s, and they had their arms slung around each other’s shoulders. In the very last picture of the row James was in a graduation cap again, decked out in MIT colors. In this picture he stood alone, holding up his diploma in front of the stadium where the ceremony had been held. His smile held the same empty quality as Tony’s picture from today. 

He had spent the first year at MIT blaming himself for their break up. Between senior year of high school and AP classes and college applications maybe he had been ignoring Tony too much. Or maybe Tony was resentful that James was holding him back, he could have been done with college before James started high school if he hadn’t waited for him. Clearly Tony breaking up with him was all his fault and the whole first month he had had to fight the urge to take a plane back home and beg Tony to take him back.

The second year he was bitter. They had had everything worked out, they would have been so happy together if Tony hadn’t gone and ruined it all. James had considered dropping out and joining the air-force as had been his original plan. He wouldn’t make it to the stars, but surely breaking through the clouds was good enough?

The third year he missed Tony with a constant dull ache. Tony hadn’t just been his boyfriend, he had been his best friend. James missed him whenever he got stuck on a homework problem and turned to ask for help from someone who wasn’t there, and when he saw a dog and unlocked his phone to send a picture to Tony and realized their last message was dated three years ago, and when he bought coffee creamer at the store then threw it out when he got home because he liked it black and Tony was the one who liked coffee with cream and it would go bad in the fridge without Tony there to drink it. 

By the time he graduated, Tony had been almost forgotten. He had finals and papers and capstone projects to keep him occupied. It had felt fake when he finally had the degree in his hands. He had gone through the graduation ceremony as if in a dream, and as he shook hands with his teachers and accepted congratulations from his family all he felt was empty, like something was missing. 

‘I’m happy,’ he told himself as he hung up his degree. ‘I’m happy,’ he said as he accepted a job from NASA and moved away from his family and all the way to Florida. ‘I’m happy,’ he said as he woke up every morning for work, then came home to eat a frozen dinner alone then sit in front of the TV until it was time to go to sleep.

He looked down from the pictures of them smiling freely together then down to the tight lipped smile Tony was wearing on his phone, the poorly concealed unhappiness directed at James who was standing behind the camera. He pulled the pictures of the two of them out of the frames and replaced them with pictures without Tony from his mom’s latest photo album. He stuffed the pictures of him and Tony into the back of the book. It was time to stop dwelling on the past.

Maybe being paired off with Tony for the charity week event was a good thing. They could wrangle their relationship into a sort of friendship, and he could get some closure and finally move on with his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rhodey: If I wear these boots that Tony got me that’s a clear message that I still love him  
> Also Rhodey: Yes I noticed Tony is wearing the hat I made him and this means absolutely nothing and I will not think about it


	4. Chapter 4

The event for the next day was to cook food for the local homeless shelter. The shelter always did a big spread of food around the holidays and his mom had worked with them to get a couple different teams to pitch in each day. Tony came to pick him up around 9 so they could make lunch, then the second team would be taking over for dinner. 

Inside the kitchen they donned aprons and hairnets and Tony looked over the laminated recipe cards with a scowl.

“This is a terrible challenge. I shouldn’t be allowed within a hundred feet of a stove for the good of all mankind. Do you remember the last time I tried to cook for a big group?”

“Thanksgiving of ‘14, I could never forget. The taste of burnt cornbread still haunts my dreams. I’ll do all the measuring and timing for this, you get to stand in the corner and stir whatever bowl I give you.”

Tony frowned. “Why are you in charge of measuring? You’re no better than me, remember the time you made me banana muffins?”

“Those weren’t that bad.”

Tony threw up his arms. “You forgot to add the bananas!”

“I got the chocolate chips in there, that was the important part. Better than the time you made me a birthday cake with no flour. It was basically scrambled eggs with sugar.”

“You still ate it,” Tony laughed. “The look on your face as you tried to choke it down was absolutely priceless.”

“You worked hard on it, I didn’t want to make you upset. You ate my banana free banana muffins.”

“Yeah, because they were from you.” Tony agreed fondly. “How about this, we agree to watch out for each other so we don’t miss any of these recipes up.”

“Deal,” James agreed, pulling out ground beef from the industrial sized freezer. The other volunteers had asked them to make chili, and James hoped that it would be simple enough for them to handle. Tony was crouched in front of the oven, the bottom panel open.

James tapped him on the head with a spoon. “Don’t you dare take the oven apart.”

Tony’s voice echoed as he had his head stuck inside, looking at tubes and wires with a small flashlight on his keys. “It’s so big, I want to know if it works the same as smaller ones. You can’t say you aren’t curious.”

When Tony was nervous, anything mechanical in the area tended to end up in pieces. Back in high school during finals week Tony had convinced him that it was a good idea to take apart his mom's dishwasher and it had been one in the morning before they had everything back in one piece. What took ten minutes to take apart took five hours to get back together, and though he denied it, James had loved every second of it. Tony had a boundless curiosity that no one else seemed to possess and James loved seeing where it took them and what they would learn along the way.  
God, he had missed being around Tony.  
He wished they had the time to take the oven apart and put it together again so it ran better than before, rust from disuse brushed off and parts shined so that everything clicked perfectly back into place as it was meant to be.

James pulled Tony up and lead him over to the sink. “Come on, we only have an hour and need to get started. Wash up while I chop the onions.”

The recipe card listed out the steps clearly, and step one was to dice the vegetables. He started with the peppers. Beside him Tony got the biggest pot there was and put it on the stove, dumping in the meat. It was so easy being around Tony, he didn’t need to say anything and Tony was already working on the concurrent steps, picking up a knife to dice onions as the pot heated up. It reminded him so much of cooking with Tony back at his family home. Tony always used to come to his place for dinner during the school week, and they'd sit at the kitchen table while his mom cooked. On nights when they didn’t have homework she would enlist them to help, chopping, stirring pots, tasting sauces. 

With the stove on, the kitchen heated up, and the air smelled like peppers and the hearty scent of cooking beef. This felt familiar, comfortable. He felt his mind drifting into a warm and restful place as he let his hands chop on autopilot. Tony walked behind him to stir the onions into the meat, his hand resting for a moment against James’ lower back, a gentle warning that Tony was passing. The heat lingered long after the touch has ended. 

Was this the first time they had touched since James had left for college? Tony hadn’t offered to shake his hand at the gas station and they hadn’t touched at the kickoff or their shopping trip. Four whole years, then. It felt anticlimactic to break the absence like this, a quick brush of the palm, something you might do to a stranger in a crowd. James looked at Tony’s hand where it wrapped around the spoon, calluses formed thickly across the front, and light scars crisscrossing the back, all presumably from his work at the car shop.

Back when they had dated, Tony’s hands had been smaller than his own, smooth and soft and always a little cold. Tony didn’t have the best circulation and he never remembered his gloves or winter stuff, and it made James worry about him. James had taken to wearing two coats when they went out, because Tony got cold and wouldn’t take one of James’ coats unless he was sure that James wouldn’t be cold either. 

This new version of Tony had filled out from the thinness of youth and burned hot like a furnace. His hands were rough and James could no longer tell what thoughts glittered behind molten brown eyes.

Tony cleared his throat and James realized he was staring.

“You’re not supposed to add the seeds.”

He looked down and realized that he had chopped up the whole jalapeno, seeds included. Damn.   
“It’s faster to do it this way,” he said, trying to think of an explanation for why he messed up beyond being lost in thought about Tony.

“Sure,” Tony agreed sarcastically. “Instead of taking three seconds to cut the seeds out at the start, you get to spend three seconds a piece to cut it out of every slice. You’ve discovered a real advantage here.”

James sighed. Tony was right, this was going to be a huge pain. He put the first slice on the cutting board and started to painstakingly carve out the center of each circle to get the seeds out. “Shut up and go stir your meat.”

Tony gave him a sloppy salute and went back to stirring the pot, until he was satisfied that it was done. With the meat browned, Tony added beef stock and beans and started measuring out spices. Before he added anything he double checked that the spice was right, and he had the right amount, his attention focused on trying not to get cayenne all over the floor. 

James felt something inside himself relax, a tension that he had been carrying for so long he no longer noticed it until it lifted.   
MIT had been stressful, the curriculum was some of the most challenging in the whole United States. The working at NASA was no walk in the park either. If he messed up his math people could die, and millions of dollars worth of equipment could be destroyed. He spent an enormous amount of energy each day making sure everything was perfect and every eventually was thought of and planned for.  
Now he had messed up his peppers because his mind was somewhere else and it didn’t matter. It was safe here to daydream. He could let his mind wander, and Tony would tug him back if he drifted too far. There were no consequences to mistakes, besides a few seeds in several gallons worth of soup. 

James added the peppers, now mostly seedless, and picked up the recipe card, looking it over. “I think we got everything. Now it just needs to simmer.”

Tony leaned against the counter, eyes on the pot. “You think I did the spices right? I might have messed up, I always get the spices wrong. You remember when your mom had us making gingerbread and I used cumin instead of ginger?”

James shuddered. “Please don’t remind me of the cumin bread men.”   
Tasting like a mix between tacos and ginger snaps, they had been so bad it had ruined normal gingerbread for him for years. “Here, I’ll taste it, and if you forgot something we’ll add it.”

Tony dug a small spoon out of a drawer and dipped it into the pot. He held it out for James to taste. James reached out a hand to hold Tony’s arm steady, his fingers sliding to a stop above the delicate veins of Tony’s wrist, feeling his pulse beating quick and strong. 

Tony had touched him first, and it felt like a barrier between them had fallen, the awkward three feet of personal space they had been maintaining wiped away by the brush of a palm.

James tasted the soup and it was good, it tasted like snow days and weekends and like finally coming into the warmth after too long spent out in the cold.   
Tony leaned in slightly towards him, as if drawn in by whatever was building in the air between them. 

This had been a thing they used to do, the tasting. Whenever Tony cooked he’d hold out a spoon for James to taste then rather than get his own spoon he’d kiss the taste off James’s lips.

Tony closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together, soft and chaste.   
Tony didn’t feel like he remembered, with the new goatee and gentle hesitancy. Tony was supposed to kiss like he was falling and James was the one one who reached out a hand to save him, Tony used to be demanding, trying to hoard the affection he got and forever trying to reach for more with greedy hands. 

He missed that version of Tony. He missed being loved with that level of intensity, and loving Tony back just as much. He wanted it back. He wanted Tony back.

But Tony couldn’t have loved him like James thought he did, otherwise he wouldn’t have left without a word of explanation. You didn’t do something like that to someone you loved. Tony kissing him now wasn’t filling the hole in his chest, instead this small taste of what could have been made him feel hollowed out. No matter what Tony said or did, there was no telling when he would disappear for no reason and James would be left heartbroken again. 

He pushed Tony away. “I can’t do this.”

Tony immediately back off, apologizing. “Right, yeah, of course, sorry. Shouldn’t have done that. Is the chili done? I think it’s done. You wanna take the picture so we can go?”

James took a picture of the chili, half of Tony’s arm in the frame. It was blurry and dark and he did not care enough to take another one, sending it to the challenge phone number and hightailing it out of the kitchen. He left the apron and hairnet in the bins and kept his head down as he walked outside, letting the other volunteers know the soup was done with a quick wave towards the kitchen. 

Outside was bitterly cold, and James pulled out his phone to call a cab or an uber or something because he wasn’t getting into a car with Tony after _that._ Tony grabbed his arm and James shook him off.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Tony. I’ll find my own way home.”

“Are you sure? I could-”

“Goodbye, Tony.” He said firmly. Tony bit his lip and took a step back. 

“Yeah, whatever you want. See you tomorrow.” He turned and got into his truck. James waited for him to leave and he stayed stubbornly parked in the lot until a car arrived for James and he got in. He grumbled in quiet frustration. James didn’t need Tony to watch out for him, he had been watching out for himself for years. Nothing bad was going to happen in a little parking lot in his hometown. Besides, if Tony had cared about what happened to him he should have come to MIT like he had promised. Anything Tony did now was going to be too little, too late.


	5. Chapter 5

James didn’t want to accept a ride from Tony to the day’s challenge but he also didn’t want to text Tony. They hadn’t exchanged numbers recently, so he would have to admit that he still had Tony’s number saved in his phone from before Tony dumped him. 

He scowled as Tony’s truck pulled up into the driveway. Two more challenges, then he could skip the event wrap up party and not have to see Tony again for a long time. He’d be back in Florida, living the life he had worked so hard for, entire States away from his ex.   
Why didn’t that thought make him happy?

James put on his coat and went outside, responding to Tony’s ‘hello’ neutrally and keeping his attention focused outside the window. It was a short trip today, the old folks home was less than ten minutes from James’ childhood home. The challenge for today was to keep the people at the home company, and to help put up decorations. Another group from the charity challenge was already there, he recognized Natasha and Steve from high school. Decorating the whole center was a bigger job so there were two teams, and he wouldn’t be surprised if a third team showed up later. Steve and Natasha both waved to him and he waved back, making his way over to them to see how they had been in the past few years.

Both Steve and Natasha greeted him warmly, happy to see him again after so long. They chatted as they pulled out boxes from a store room and started to set up a large plastic tree in the common room. Steve was making a living doing art like he always wanted, and Natasha taught self defense at the rec center. She was married and Steve was engaged. They were both stupidly happy, and James was happy for them. 

“And how are things between you and Tony? It’s good to see you’re back together.” Steve asked as he unrolled the tinsel for the tree.

James felt his good mood vanish. He crossed his arms. “We’re not together.”

Tony looked down, fiddling with a string of lights. “We broke up a long time ago.”

“You dumped me a long time ago,” James corrected him. “Without any warning or reason.”

Tony got up. “I’m going to go look in the store room for spare bulbs, some of the lights have burned out.” He left the room and Steve and Natasha both gave James a judgmental look.

“You need to cut him some slack,” Natasha said. “The past few years have been rough on him.”

Steve nodded. “All that stuff with his parents… it wasn’t good.”

Stuff with his parents? Tony’s relationship with Howard had never been good, and it had dissolved more and more the closer they had gotten to graduation. By the last month of school Tony was spending all of his nights at James’ house. 

“Is Howard still being a bastard?” James asked. 

“Howard is dead.” Steve said grimly. “A car crash, about four years ago. Maria died in the same wreck.”

Shit. _Shit._ Why hadn’t Tony told him? He would have come back for the funeral, he could have helped him. That was all the family Tony had, he would have been completely alone.

“I didn’t know,” he said quietly. 

Natasha put a hand on his shoulder. “Tony doesn’t like to talk about it. And we shouldn’t be talking about it either, it’s Tony’s story to tell and it’s almost Christmas, we should be thinking of happy things. You want to help me with the ornaments?”

James agreed and started opening up boxes, his mind still focused on Tony. He couldn’t imagine losing both his parents like that, and at the age of 18 too? Tony had been so young. He was still so young, even if his shoulders bowed like he had been carrying the weight of the world for years.

Tony came back through the doorway carrying a box of spare lights. “Alright, let’s get this show on the road. Steve, plug in the lights and we can start replacing the burned out bulbs.”

Tony passed James the box and knelt on the ground next to the coils of lights and started to switch out the tiny bulbs, reaching his hand up for James to pass him a spare. James felt good to be helping Tony, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted to pull Tony into a hug and tell him he was sorry for his loss and that everything would be ok, and he wanted to have been there when the loss was fresh and Tony was alone. He found himself shifting closer, so his leg was pressed against Tony’s back, the only comfort he could give right now with their friends there watching and their relationship to each other in tatters. 

James let his touch linger a little too long as Tony took the light from him and he looked up with squinted eyes.

“Why are you hovering? They told you something, didn’t they.” It wasn’t a question, and James didn’t see any point in denying it. 

“Yes.”

Tony sighed and stood up, taking the box of lights from James and passing it off to Steve. “I better get back to the garage, everyone else is on vacation and the work is piling up.”

James followed him outside, grabbing his wrist before he could step off the porch. “Don’t go. All they said was that you lost your parents a few years ago, and all I want to say is that I’m sorry for your loss.”

“I don’t want your pity.” Tony tried to step away again and James held on to him firmly.

“It’s not pity,” he assured him. “Look, we’re not together, but we’re still friends. We’ve always been friends. I would have come if you called.”

“That’s why I didn’t call.” Tony rubbed his face. “Look, I don’t… I didn’t… you…” He seemed to give up on what he was trying to say. “I’m going back to the garage.”

His eyes were so tired, and he was shivering in the cold wind blowing across the porch. He had forgotten his coat and gloves inside. James stepped to his left to try to shelter Tony from the wind, his own thin shirt not enough to stop the chill.

“Don’t run away from me.” 

“You ran away from me yesterday. Isn’t that what we do? Leave?”

Tony sounded so defeated, and James hated it. “I’m here for you Tony, always. Even if we aren’t together, I will always be your friend.”

Tony’s face crumpled and he took a half step forward. James closed the distance between them and pulled Tony into a hug, finally getting to satisfy the urge to hold Tony close that had been plaguing him all morning. Tony held him back just as tightly, like if he loosened his grip James would disappear. James got the impression that there was more going on under the surface than he was aware of, and he felt like he was holding half the pieces of two separate puzzles.

“Talk to me, Tones. I want to understand.”

Tony kept his face hidden in James’ shoulder. “We should be inside helping.”

“Steve and Nat can handle it.” James said. He shivered in the cold and wished they could go in, but he felt like Tony was close to talking and he would take a distraction as an excuse to clam up. He ran his hand through Tony’s hair in a way he knew from long experience that Tony was weak for. “Talk to me, Honey.”

He felt Tony cave before he opened his mouth, his shoulders slumping.

“You remember senior year? How I was practically living at your place?”

This wasn’t where he had been expecting Tony to go with this. “Yeah? You were welcome to stay over as much as you wanted, we all liked having you around.”

“I was staying with you because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. My dad wanted me to follow him into the family business, and I refused. Needless to say, he didn’t take it well.” Tony said bitterly. “We didn’t speak for weeks, and after graduation he gave me an ultimatum… I could go to MIT and get a degree in Military Applications and Design, or I wouldn’t get to go at all. Of course I blew him off, I was going to study aerospace with you. He disowned me.”

“Jesus, Tony.”

“I didn’t care at first, I thought it meant I was free. I had you, I had my MIT acceptance letter, what more did I need? You know me, I grew up loaded. I had never had to think about money a day in my life. Then over the summer while we were planning our first semester I got the first bill in the mail, and I had no way to pay it. I looked into FAFSA and they looked at how much my parents made and refused to offer me anything. I couldn’t get a merit scholarship because my GPA was too low, I failed a couple of my highschool classes so I wouldn’t graduate early and could stay with you. I tried to take out student loans and they wouldn’t let me without someone with a stable credit history co-signing with me. A summer job wouldn’t get me near enough to pay for MIT, it’s stupid expensive. There was nothing I could do. I had to stay behind. Three months later Howard died, and mom too. We never got the chance to make up.”

Suddenly a lot of things started to make sense. James cupped a hand to Tony’s face. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

“Answer me honestly, if I had said I couldn’t go, would you have gone without me?”

It was an easy question, James didn’t need to think before the answer was out of his mouth. “Of course not. I would have deferred my acceptance and stayed until we figured something out.”

Tony gave him a half hearted smile, and it quickly fell from his face. “You’re too loyal for your own good. You wanted to touch the stars like we always dreamed about, and I couldn't hold you back.”

“Like I held you back from graduating from highschool early?”

Tony blinked a couple times, processing, like the similarity had never occurred to him. “What? Of course not, you weren’t holding me back, I did what I did because I wanted to stay with you. I was so much happier with you in highschool than I would have been being alone at a college at 15.”

“And I got to be the one who was miserable and alone at college,” James said dryly. Tony frowned and looked up at him with sad eyes.

“You were miserable? But you were doing what we wanted to do.”

“MIT wasn’t the dream, and the stars weren’t either.” James said. He could see the question forming in Tony’s mind. He sighed. “You were my dream.”

“Rhodey-”

“Let me finish. I didn’t want to go to MIT, I wanted to go to MIT _with you._ I wanted to be at NASA _with you._ I only wanted to reach the stars because I wanted to pull them from the sky to share.”

Tony hit him in the shoulder and pulled away. “No! You were supposed to be happy! It was fine that I was upset as long as you were happy, it didn’t matter if I was stuck here if it meant you got to be free.”

James reached out for him and Tony stepped back, shaking his head. “I lost everything. _Everything._ ” He had to stop to take a deep breath, and his voice trembled. “I lost my home, lost my parents, lost my future, lost the love of my goddamn life, all within a span of about three months. The only thing keeping me going for the past four years was the idea that you were out there living our dream. And now I learn you weren’t even happy? What was the point? I’ve been through so much and it didn’t even matter. It didn’t mean anything.”

James knew whatever he said next, Tony wasn't going to listen. He was standing on the edge of the porch, chest heaving, done talking and ready to bolt. James was lucky Tony had been as open with him as he had been, and listened as long as he had instead of deflecting then running. 

"I need to go back to the garage."

“I can help Steve and Natasha finish up inside if you need to go.” He offered as an easy out, and Tony took it, darting off the porch and into his truck.  
James slumped against the wall and dragged his hand down his face. 

Their conversation had been a lot to take in, and his feelings warred between grief for Tony’s loss, frustration that Tony hadn’t told him any of this as it was happening, and a small guilty joy that Tony had never stopped loving him. 

Tony dumping him for no reason had titled his whole world view. James had always considered himself a good judge of character up until that point, and he had doubted all his relationships after that, because if he could misread his and Tony’s relationship so completely that he was planning a proposal while Tony was trying to leave him, what else was he missing? But Tony being a self sacrificing idiot was perfectly in line with who he was as a person, and dammit, James should have seen this earlier. He should have pushed harder when Tony broke up with him, he shouldn’t have accepted it until Tony gave him a good reason. 

He took a deep breath and pushed the guilt away. He had been a dumb highschooler in his first relationship and Tony was the best liar he had ever met. If Tony didn’t want him to know something, then James would never find out, and he had made his peace with that a long time ago. The past was the past, and he needed to decide what to do now. 

Tony still loved him. He felt a thrill run up his spine at the thought, and he paused for a moment to luxuriate in it. Tony had never stopped loving him.  
Did he still love Tony? That wasn’t the right question. Tony was always going to be important to him, whether as a boyfriend or as a friend or as a memory of the best years of his life. The real question was if he could trust him. Say they did try again. The next time things got tough, would Tony break them up again, claiming it was for James’ own good? What was going to happen when he had to go back to Florida in a week?

He always tried to pick the most reasonable option in any scenario, and now he was stalling out, all logical thought replaced by the idea of tracking Tony down and trying to make up for four years of lost time. 

He pulled out his phone and dialed a number by memory. 

“Mom, talk me out of getting back together with Tony.”

“Hello to you too,” his mother said dryly. “He finally tell you why he didn’t go to MIT with you?”

James paused. “You knew?”

“You think I would have let him back into my house after breaking your heart if he hadn’t had a damn good reason? I knew, but it wasn't my place to be the one to tell you. I’m glad you’re back together.”

“We’re not back together, I’m calling so you can talk me out of it.”

“If you really wanted that you wouldn’t have called me. You knew what I was going to say before you dialed my number.”

“If I called Dad or Jean they’d say the same thing. Steve and Natasha thought we were a couple.”

“Maybe that’s a sign. He’s a good boy, and you’re lighter when you’re around him. Let yourself be happy, Jim.”

He said his goodbyes and hung up the phone. He tapped it against his leg.

“Alright,” he said out loud, his breath crazing into a cloud in the cold. “Alright,” he said again, firmer. 

Tomorrow night was the last time Tony was obligated to meet with him, and James had some planning to do.


	6. Chapter 6

The final event was to work a night at the outdoor skating rink. All the proceeds were going towards improving the local children's museum.   
James and Tony had been assigned the last shift, from 8 to 11 and Tony swung by his house at 7:45 to pick him up. James gave Tony back his gloves and coat that he had left at the center, and tossed a box in the back of the truck. Though Tony seemed curious, he didn't ask about it and kept his eyes on the road for the entirety of the short drive. The air was thick with tension.

They were split up at the rink, James taking a spot at the register selling tickets, and Tony ended up in the back handing out skates. The event wasn’t too busy this late in the night, and by the time they closed at 11, the rink had been empty of people for a good half hour. James carefully locked up the cash, and went to find Tony. 

Now was his chance to decide where things went. He knew that if he asked that Tony would drive him home without a word, and within a few days James would be back in Florida, never to see Tony again. Or he could pull the two of them back together, to be a couple again, for better or for worse.   
Their break up had been unilaterally Tony's decision, so it felt fitting that now it was entirely James' choice. 

Tony was in the back of the skate rentals, polishing the blades and he hopped over the counter when James asked if he was ready to go. They walked back to the truck and instead of getting in, James walked to the back and flipped the bed down. He hopped up and held out a hand to Tony, pulling him into the bed.

“Aren’t you going to ask what's in the box?”

The corner of Tony's mouth ticked up. “That sounds like the set up to a horror movie. It’s going to be a human head or something.”

James snorted. “It’s a blanket. And snacks.” James unfolded the blanket and laid down, staring up at the sky and letting his feet hand off the end of the truck. After a couple seconds Tony laid down beside him. 

James let his eyes adjust, and slowly stars started to fade in from the blackness of the night. “You remember when we used to do this on your roof? And we’d tell each other everything we dreamed?”

“Not many of those dreams came true,” Tony said. Quiet, cautious, not sure where this was going and ready to be burned.

James cut right to the chase. “I want to try again. Us, the dreams, all of it.”

He didn’t get the reaction he expected. He expected joy, not trepidation. He felt the blanket bunch up under his back as Tony squeezed his hands into tense fists. “I screwed it up last time. I’ll screw it up again. What I did was unfair to you.”

“The fact that you recognize that means you won’t do it again. Don’t you want this?” he asked.

“More than anything,” was Tony’s immediate response.

James held out his hand, palm up towards the night sky, a silent and judgement free offer of a second chance. 

Tony took his hand.

Some things about Tony had changed. His hand was rough with calluses when before it had been smooth, and he was scared up where he used to be soft.   
Underneath it all, he was still the boy who forgot his gloves and held on a little too tightly and looked to the sky and dreamed of flying up to meet the stars. 

“We’ll make it up there someday,” James promised Tony. “And when we do, we’ll do it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s it! Thanks for reading. The next chapter is some art. If you like the way I write, I wrote a longer Tony/Rhodey fic about werewolves and you can find it here: [Changing Form](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20555024)  
> You can also find me on tumblr here: [https://jarvisuanddumetoo.tumblr.com](https://jarvisuanddumetoo.tumblr.com/)


	7. Chapter 7

Here is some art I made, it’s of the pictures hanging in Rhodey’s house, of him graduating with Tony and him graduating alone. 

[ ](https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipM2f7Fp8HZ8D0TVuVH-uZLANpCqDxYoDayqDMzpFZejQACt2N64w9wfWz3SvYdQjA?key=dDYxeGVrTEZNWGxqSy1JUkxUbmNFVUk5a3ZPNUx3&source=ctrlq.org)

[](https://photos.google.com/share/AF1QipOiO1GQDuhTxL9CyxEDNeW88gfA_jNtaYcmR6hmO6BeL8uLCijXI19lMYnmioEatw?key=cTdIMU9waU5DQ2N1UFNydTg2SmNzMDFVYmU2NU5B&source=ctrlq.org)


End file.
